Thursday, February 03, 2005

didn't get to watch the state of the union address last night? bummer. me, neither. i was too busy, um, er, washing the dog. yeah.

just so you can stay caught up on the themes and ideas tossed around by Our Mr. Bush last night, here's a few links for you:

the address, as prepared,

some comments on the content from thinkprogress.org,

kevin drum's liveblogging of the speech,

and last, but not least, my brilliant friend dana's summary of the entire boondoggle:

"Anyway, for those of you who missed it, here are the major threats made by Smirky McSmugpuss:

Millions of New Jobs Created! Unfortunately, the high paying ones are all in Iraq (BYOBA - Bring Your Own Body Armor).

No Child Left Behind and Community Colleges are our Only Hope! Because America's current educational standards will prepare our children for nothing loftier than Community College. Fortunately, there are plenty of debt opportunities to get your children that pseudo-degree they're dreaming of!

Down With Frivolous Lawsuits! Asbestos is friend to children!

Competitive Economy Now! Bring Nike back to America by lowering worker expectations of decent wages and benefits.

Health Savings Accounts Now! When you "own" your own health care money by saving it from paychecks that are insufficient to pay your monthly bills (let alone insurance premiums), your employer will see a greater return on his stock options, and you'll die happier knowing that wealthy Americans are wealthier than the wealthy people of any other country on earth. America rules! (With or without your diseased and dying ass….)

Medical Liability Reform! Why should insurers have to pay exorbitant claims to patients just because Dr. Community College amputated the wrong leg? Protect the rights of insurance company executives and lay off the whining. Your leg is already gone. Should he really have to forego an extra corporate jet just so you can retain the right to be a justice system freeloader?

Affordable Energy Now! Fuck the Arctic Wildlife! The ice cap is melting anyway, isn't it?

More Nukes for Cheap Power Now! Republican nukes are SAFE nukes! Honest!

Less Dependent on Foreign Energy Now! Let's make foreign energy OUR energy! Why pay for gas when we can invade the oil-producing countries and get it for free (not counting the billions we spend to kill them, of course, but seeing as that money goes back into our economy by bolstering the income of Halliburton and other American corporations, it's not exactly wasted money, is it?)

Tax Code Reform Now! Progressive taxes are unfair, and you won't want to pay that higher rate after you win the lottery or become a movie star, will you? Flat Tax Now! If everybody pays 30% across the board, fairness will have finally prevailed, and fairness IS the American Way.

Immigration System Reform Now! Immigrants will work for next to nothing, and once we let them stream in unhindered, the American people will see the wisdom of accepting a minimum wage future for themselves, so it's in your interest to open the borders and help corporate America realize its goals of being "competitive" in the 21st Century.

Social Security Reform Now!

55 or Older: A-Okay! You're gonna get your money, so keep voting Republican! P.S. Fuck you to everyone else who's paid into a system that we intend to starve into obsolescence. Sure, that sounds unfair, but it's not as if we're not giving you 11+ years to prepare for the sad fact that you've spent four decades paying into a system that will abandon you when the time comes.

Hey, Younger Workers! Social Security was Created for a Very Different Era: (Otherwise known as "The Era of the USA Caring about its Citizens") Look, you don't like old people anyway, right? If we pit you against them, you'll think we're giving you a chance to get the upper hand. What we're not bothering to mention is that we're making every effort to convert the US economy to a two-tiered system that minimizes your wages and benefits. Also… seeing as we've racked up an enormous debt that you'll have to pay off, we're fucking you from every conceivable angle, even as we flatter you by promising that you'll benefit from our transition to an "Ownership Society".

By 2033, Social Security will need to find as much as $300 billion extra to pay the promised benefits! In other words, we'll need to dig up the same amount of extra money as we now spend killing Iraqis. If we don't reform SS now, we'll have to quit killing innocent foreigners before the year 2033, and who among us wants to face that sort of tragic deprivation?!?

"Our Children's Retirement Security is more important than partisan politics!!" Make no mistake about it… those who disagree with my policy ideas are not sincerely disagreeing about the wisdom of my policy ideas. No… they're simply practicing PARTISAN POLITICS, which is just about as evil as you can get in a democracy, because a democracy is all about everybody hewing to the dictates of a single leader and his agenda.

Voluntary Personal Retirement Accounts: We'll give YOU control over YOUR money. Sounds great, doesn't it? Flattering, too! Never mind that handing your money over to private corporations will remove any hope of accountability. Enron robbed its employees of their pensions, but - unfortunately - Enron cannot be put in jail, so those people are just fucked and pension-less. On the upside, there may someday be a reckoning with a handful of executives who embezzled tons of Enron cash. On the downside, those embezzlers will - at worst - be forced to pay fines to the government, which won't send a dime to the citizens who were screwed out of their pensions. Sure, that might make you angry, but keep in mind that the government will likely give a small portion of those fines to Christian churches in the form of "faith-based" funding, which will then benefit those who don't mind feigning religious faith in order to get free soup and hand-me-downs in lieu of the independence they might have had if SS had been kept intact.

P.S. Please disregard concerns about funding all impending retirees via your reduced contributions. Bush's compelling claim to "crisis" is that there won't be enough people contributing under the current system, so his answer is to reduce the contributions of those few who are still contributing. Oh, and seeing as Social Security is also used to fund those who are disabled, please ignore your conscience when you're forced to pass the multitude of homeless cripples who will be cast aside when payroll taxes no longer provide a safety net for them.

Yay for the Ownership Society! We own YOU.

Constitutional Amendment to Protect the Institution of Marriage: Let's resolve to raise responsible, MORAL children who reflexively hate faggots & lesbos!

Culture of Life: What America needs is more unwanted babies with no income, no medical benefits, no pensions, and no civil rights!

Judicial Nominations: Rubber-Stamp the judges that I want or else, you partisan enemies of justice and morality!

Faith-Based Funding: We will continue to funnel tax dollars to the churches who helped get me re-elected. It's the American Way!

Funding Organizations to keep young men out of gangs w/ an ideal of manhood that respects women and rejects violence: We MUST deal with Pesky Negro Men and their Crappy Values now!

Justice System: DNA is a magic bullet for settling all legal issues! Get ready for the mandatory DNA database that will keep Americans safe from crime and unfair prosecution in one fell swoop, while also insuring that the government retains the ability to place your DNA into any crime scene if it wants to have evidence against you.

Security: Promising Freedom from Fear Is he planning to resign?

Homeland Security: Bragging about crap they haven't actually bothered to fund or accomplish. Curiously, no mention of the important role that Hawaiian cocktail parties for the HS executives play in their overall strategy of securing our lives.

Enemies Abroad: Al-Qaeda… Sure, they still have leaders, but we've captured a bunch of their commanders. Thank goodness commanders are more effective than leaders, or we'd still be endangered by all those leaders, which we're not, because we've got their commanders!

Regimes attempting to acquire WMDs: A charge easily leveled at anybody we want to attack, and one that obviously works. Get ready for Permanent War!

Stay on the Offensive until the fight is won: Even more Permanent War!

Pursuing Our Enemies: Double-plus Permanent War!

Support Our Military: Support them as if "our military" could be YOU. Sooner or later, it WILL be you.

Other Nations Around the Globe Have Stood With Us: Few that you've heard of, and even fewer that have stayed stood, but still….

Iraq: We have 28 Allies on the Ground! Each one of whom has sent upwards of 14 soldiers! (Didn't it used to be more than 30 allies?)

Building Coalitions to Defeat the Dangers of Our Time:
See: Eradicating Medical Coverage, Medicare, Social Security, Livable Wages, Judicial Access for Commoners, etc.

The Peace we Seek will only be achieved… (if we stop lobbing bombs). Peace is overrated.

"Recruiting Grounds for Terror" are something we need to eradicate! And the only way to eradicate them is to bomb the shit out of them, wherever we may imagine them to be.

Only force powerful enough to Prevail: The force of human freedom! Which we will eradicate through our efforts to eradicate the recruiting grounds for terror. Freedom is Terror!

Ending Tyranny in Our World! (Tyranny-Ending Begins at Home, but who's counting?)

We have no intention of imposing our form of government on anybody else. We're against those who believe in letting a tiny group of rulers control every aspect of every life, unless that tiny group is led by Dick Cheney… in which case, we have every intention of imposing our form of government on everybody else.

Landmark Events in the History of Liberty:

Taking credit for Palestinian political progress, such as it is. In an effort to assure peaceful reconciliation in Israel, he's sending Condi there next week, assuring that Palestinians will be blinded by her toothy grin, thus enabling the Israelis to kill them en masse with far less resistance.

Peace and Stability in the Middle East: Saudi Arabia and Egypt are the vanguard of political reformation and democracy in the region, Well, of course they are!!

Syrian Accountability Act… Translation: Officially Sanctioned Next Enemy!

Iranian Nuclear Smackdown Act… Translation: Officially Sanctioned Next Enemy!

Iraq: Vital Front in War on Terrror: Fighting Terrorists in Iraq so we do not have to face them here at home! Better innocent Iraqis riddled with bullets and shrapnel than innocent Americans riddled with bullets and shrapnel, eh? Hell, yeah!

Iraqi people value liberty, as they showed the world last Sunday

Election: Waking to the sound of mortar fire on election day. (Sure, it was American mortar fire, but still….). The courage of those people! They have inspired us all!! Not that we give a shit about our own voting rights, with or without mortar fire and its attendant sounds.

Iraqi Human Rights Activist: Thank you to the American people who paid the cost, and to the soldiers!

A small group of extremists will not overturn the will of the Iraqi people!!
Nor will a small group of American Corporate Interests turn over the wealth of the Iraqi oil fields!!

Freedom in Iraq will make America safer for generations to come. Too bad there will be no freedom in Iraq, and thus no safer America. For generations to come.

No Artificial Timetable for Leaving Iraq. And no real timetable, either.

We're there to achieve a result. That result will take at least 20 years, so give up your dreams of any foreseeable end to this war, puny taxpayers and human-rights activists!

Soldiers: Examples of Idealism and Character that makes every American proud! As exhibited at Abu Ghraib and Fallujah, so YMMV.

Dead Soldiers: Byron Norwood. Killed in Fallujah. Byron loved being a Marine. Loved being on the front lines against terror (and children, and hospitals, and all the other evil, menacing threats against the USA that we destroyed in Fallujah!). Let's hear it for the chunky white-trash mother of the dead guy!

We are Part of a Great Venture:

Extend the promise of freedom in our country
(except where prohibited by the Patriot Act)

Renew the values that sustain liberty (except where prohibited by the Patriot Act)

Spread the peace that freedom brings (except where prohibited by the War on Terror)

Quotes FDR (Good for quotes; bad for social policies applicable to the 21st century.)

Our Generation has Dreams of its Own, and we go forward with confidence. Because we're confident that those who follow us are too under-educated and too brainwashed to recognize the degree to which we're fucking you from every conceivable angle. "

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